If this were Little Miss Sunshine, I'd be screaming the f-bomb...

I have horrible vision. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I am not, in fact, perfect. My vision sucks so bad that when the doctor asked me what was at the top of the eye chart today, I told him that it was probably an "E," simply because that's what all eye charts have at the top. I wonder if the giant "E" stands for eye chart...

Anyway, he then blocks the entire chart except for the line he wants me to read. On the first line, he asks me what I see. I read off the letters that I see, feeling pretty good about my answer.

Until he says, "So, that line's pretty blurry for you then." Guess so.

He then proceeds to the next line and asks me to read those letters.

"What letters?"

"The letters on this line that I'm showing you, Miss Ulmer."

"Well, there must be a mistake. I don't see any letters."

"Hmmm."

(PS, you're super hot, Mr. Eyedoctor. Darn that wedding ring on your finger. At least, I think you're hot. Oh, wait. I'm not wearing my glasses. Hmmm, you're not really all that attractive after all. Well, congratulations on your marriage then.)

My mom then proceeds to regale us with the story of my first visit to the eye doctor when I was in the third grade. We had brought my little brother, who had just learned the alphabet, mind you. The doctor had asked me to read from the eye chart (I should have that darn thing memorized by now...). Obviously, I missed some letter since I did not have my glasses yet. My brother, instead of wondering if he had confused these particular letters, turned to my mom, looked back at the chart, then turned back to my mom

"She can't read too good. Mimi must be dumb."


Roommate quote of the day: "Look! Goats! Baaah!"

Dadgum Hollywood...

So, since I've been home, I've been spending part of my time watching Hallmark/Lifetime Christmas movies. You know, the kind where the girl had her heart broken by some guy and, all of the sudden, some guy shows up just in time for Christmas to sweep her off her feet. Yeah, those movies.

Well, watching these movies has made me realize that I'm the girl in the movie. At least partially. Secretly, deep down inside, I'm waiting for some guy to show up and just make things better and heal my broken heart. However, at the same time, I'm also the girl sitting here, yelling at my tv, "This doesn't happen in real life! Stop lying to me!"

As much as I want to believe that this will happen to me one day and I wish that it would even happen this Christmas, I still don't believe that this business actually happens to real people. Then, I also have to confront my belief that God won't give me a guy like that because I want him so badly. I have to confront my secret belief that God doesn't really want to give me the things that I want. It's like I believe that he's waiting to take away everything that makes me happy and is keeping this relationship that I want more than anything away from me to keep me unhappy.

Obviously, when I think more realistically, I know that God will never keep anything from me if it is not for my own good. I might not understand His reasoning, but I don't have to. I have to learn to trust His judgment and realize that He knows what is best for me. Also, I can trust in a God who did not create me to be completed and satisfied by a man. As much as I trust men in my life like my father and Josh, I also recognize that any human man will let me down sometimes. Luckily for me, and you of course, God will never let me down, even when I do not trust Him.

Making babies. Except not.

Thank Jesus that final exams are over. I think that I managed to outdo myself this year and only studied for approximately two hours for my finals. However, I did write several papers, which definitely took me more than two hours...

However, I am a professional procrastinator. Ask anyone at PC. No, really. Ask them. I'm kind of a legend. Therefore, I thought I'd share some of my favorite techniques.

This is the baby that I will one day have with Aaron Marsh:



She's definitely going to need glasses one day.

Solitaire is also always a good choice:



Is it bad that I have one of the ten highest scores...




Looking up potential tattoos is also one of my top choices:



Then, there's always dressing up...



Roommate quote of the day: "Whaaaat? I have a faaaace?"

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in a library?

Today, I decided that it would be a good idea to get a perm.

That should be funny enough on its own.


Roommate quote of the day: "I am in charge of initiation! I am sacred!" (we're fairly certain that she actually meant "scared")

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to (except that it really isn't my party and I wasn't crying)

Let me tell you a little bit about my weekend. It all began when I agreed to sing in my roommate's cousin's wedding. Got that? Roommate's cousin's. Anyway, I assume that it's going to be some typical, sappy love song like "From This Moment" (which I may or may not have actually practiced, just in case). Oh, no. No, no, the song was "There is Love" by Captain and Tenille. I want to know, by show of hands, who in the holy world has heard of Captain and Tenille? And what is he the captain of anyway? I also want to mention that this song was not designed for sopranos.

Of course, I'm a soprano.

Anyway, I practice the song a few times in the days leading up to the wedding. Although the song is low, I manage it pretty well. Finally, the big day arrives. And I don't have a voice. I mean, nothing comes out when I open my mouth. Consequently, the drive to the wedding (which was in the middle of the boondocks. Fun Fact: the middle of the boondocks is Neeses, SC, in case anyone ever asks you), is spent screaming to warm up my voice and clear my throat, as well as gargling Coke Zero, which ended up bubbling out of my mouth and down my front.

Beautiful.

I arrive, I practice, everything seems to be at least halfway decent. I get up, I sing, I sit back down and think that I've made it. I performed the most ridiculous song on the face of the earth and came out alive. I even thought that maybe it was actually pretty good.

Until a small boy came up to me at the reception and asked me why it sounds like I'm crying when I sing. FML.


Roommate quote of the day: (in reference to the copious amounts of time she spends on facebook) "I'm not facestalking, I'm faceloving!"

"That joke came from the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny" - Mitch Hedburg

I created this blog in the hopes of being half as awesome and witty as Ashton & Amanda in their blog Life in the Smyth Lane. Alas, nothing quite as weird and odd happens to me. Well, at least not in the 8 hours it has been since I was made aware of this fantastic spectacle of clever writing.

Anyway, I did decide today that you know you picked the wrong college when the dining hall sucks so much that you regularly dine on a selection of cheese, sunflower seeds, and olives. Together. In a bowl. Not mixed in a salad, but tossed half-heartedly into the primary-colored bowl of the day (today was yellow, I believe). Tonight, however, I had a special treat: the cheese was provolone.

I also have this crazy roommate who says really funny things (inadvertently) pretty regularly. I think that I shall end each post with a Roommate Quote of the Day.

Roommate Quote of the Day: "A little bit of naughty can go a long way."